How to write cleanly even if my character uses expletive language?












1















I'm writing a story that I'd like younger readers to pick up. I and they know and understand that some situations are far better expressed with one f-word than a thousand milder ones. I'm keeping my narrative clean, but when I write the dialogue, I don't know what to do.



Should I:




  1. describe, as in:



Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. Charlie exploded with profanity that pierced their mother's ears downstairs.





  1. or should I use made-up terms, such as frak from Battlestar Galactica:



Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "FRAK" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.





  1. also, I could use a milder word like crap, shoot, and the likes.


  2. Alternatively, I could replace with a place holder, as in:




Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "< EXPLETIVE >" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.




Note
I've read answers like this one ("you have to eat before you [deficate]".) But that waters down the expression a lot for what I want.






technique language profanity







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  • 2





    Number one. Use your first choice.

    – DPT
    59 mins ago











  • In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.

    – mbadawi23
    57 mins ago











  • Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.

    – DPT
    36 mins ago
















1















I'm writing a story that I'd like younger readers to pick up. I and they know and understand that some situations are far better expressed with one f-word than a thousand milder ones. I'm keeping my narrative clean, but when I write the dialogue, I don't know what to do.



Should I:




  1. describe, as in:



Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. Charlie exploded with profanity that pierced their mother's ears downstairs.





  1. or should I use made-up terms, such as frak from Battlestar Galactica:



Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "FRAK" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.





  1. also, I could use a milder word like crap, shoot, and the likes.


  2. Alternatively, I could replace with a place holder, as in:




Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "< EXPLETIVE >" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.




Note
I've read answers like this one ("you have to eat before you [deficate]".) But that waters down the expression a lot for what I want.






technique language profanity







share|improve this question









New contributor




mbadawi23 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
















  • 2





    Number one. Use your first choice.

    – DPT
    59 mins ago











  • In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.

    – mbadawi23
    57 mins ago











  • Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.

    – DPT
    36 mins ago














1












1








1








I'm writing a story that I'd like younger readers to pick up. I and they know and understand that some situations are far better expressed with one f-word than a thousand milder ones. I'm keeping my narrative clean, but when I write the dialogue, I don't know what to do.



Should I:




  1. describe, as in:



Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. Charlie exploded with profanity that pierced their mother's ears downstairs.





  1. or should I use made-up terms, such as frak from Battlestar Galactica:



Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "FRAK" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.





  1. also, I could use a milder word like crap, shoot, and the likes.


  2. Alternatively, I could replace with a place holder, as in:




Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "< EXPLETIVE >" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.




Note
I've read answers like this one ("you have to eat before you [deficate]".) But that waters down the expression a lot for what I want.






technique language profanity







share|improve this question









New contributor




mbadawi23 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.












I'm writing a story that I'd like younger readers to pick up. I and they know and understand that some situations are far better expressed with one f-word than a thousand milder ones. I'm keeping my narrative clean, but when I write the dialogue, I don't know what to do.



Should I:




  1. describe, as in:



Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. Charlie exploded with profanity that pierced their mother's ears downstairs.





  1. or should I use made-up terms, such as frak from Battlestar Galactica:



Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "FRAK" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.





  1. also, I could use a milder word like crap, shoot, and the likes.


  2. Alternatively, I could replace with a place holder, as in:




Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "< EXPLETIVE >" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.




Note
I've read answers like this one ("you have to eat before you [deficate]".) But that waters down the expression a lot for what I want.






technique language profanity




technique language profanity






share|improve this question









New contributor




mbadawi23 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.











share|improve this question









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share|improve this question








edited 56 mins ago







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  • 2





    Number one. Use your first choice.

    – DPT
    59 mins ago











  • In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.

    – mbadawi23
    57 mins ago











  • Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.

    – DPT
    36 mins ago














  • 2





    Number one. Use your first choice.

    – DPT
    59 mins ago











  • In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.

    – mbadawi23
    57 mins ago











  • Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.

    – DPT
    36 mins ago








2




2





Number one. Use your first choice.

– DPT
59 mins ago





Number one. Use your first choice.

– DPT
59 mins ago













In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.

– mbadawi23
57 mins ago





In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.

– mbadawi23
57 mins ago













Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.

– DPT
36 mins ago





Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.

– DPT
36 mins ago










2 Answers
2






active

oldest

votes


















5














Each usage has its place.



#1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.



#2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.



#3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.



#4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.






share|improve this answer































    2














    Maybe you can use a spoonerism?



    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism



    However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).



    For example:




    Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
    fhis!".




    Check this example as a reference:




    Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
    (often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
    University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
    heard very often from LSU fans.







    share|improve this answer























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      2 Answers
      2






      active

      oldest

      votes








      2 Answers
      2






      active

      oldest

      votes









      active

      oldest

      votes






      active

      oldest

      votes









      5














      Each usage has its place.



      #1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.



      #2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.



      #3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.



      #4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.






      share|improve this answer




























        5














        Each usage has its place.



        #1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.



        #2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.



        #3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.



        #4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.






        share|improve this answer


























          5












          5








          5







          Each usage has its place.



          #1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.



          #2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.



          #3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.



          #4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.






          share|improve this answer













          Each usage has its place.



          #1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.



          #2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.



          #3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.



          #4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.







          share|improve this answer












          share|improve this answer



          share|improve this answer










          answered 45 mins ago









          GalastelGalastel

          35.8k6107191




          35.8k6107191























              2














              Maybe you can use a spoonerism?



              https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism



              However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).



              For example:




              Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
              fhis!".




              Check this example as a reference:




              Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
              (often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
              University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
              heard very often from LSU fans.







              share|improve this answer




























                2














                Maybe you can use a spoonerism?



                https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism



                However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).



                For example:




                Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
                fhis!".




                Check this example as a reference:




                Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
                (often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
                University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
                heard very often from LSU fans.







                share|improve this answer


























                  2












                  2








                  2







                  Maybe you can use a spoonerism?



                  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism



                  However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).



                  For example:




                  Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
                  fhis!".




                  Check this example as a reference:




                  Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
                  (often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
                  University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
                  heard very often from LSU fans.







                  share|improve this answer













                  Maybe you can use a spoonerism?



                  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism



                  However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).



                  For example:




                  Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
                  fhis!".




                  Check this example as a reference:




                  Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
                  (often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
                  University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
                  heard very often from LSU fans.








                  share|improve this answer












                  share|improve this answer



                  share|improve this answer










                  answered 35 mins ago









                  repomonsterrepomonster

                  2,0741135




                  2,0741135






















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