My adult son embarrassed me in front of my coworkers; how should I react to provocations?












89















We had an event where the whole company got together, about 200 people. We had dinner, a live band, all in all it was a great evening. My small department (about 15 people) rented a small bus so we could go to this event together. When we drove home, my place was the closest so they dropped me off first. In front of our house we see this person peeing in the shadow. Illuminated by the car's headlights I recognize the person. It was my son (27, he still has a key and visits on weekends). You could clearly see that he was drunk, as he could barely stand up and walk straight. All of the people in the bus started laughing. To make things worse, he recognized me and called me, making sure everyone realized it was my son. I was absolutely mortified.



It was literally a few feet away from our house, he could have just gone in and taken a piss inside where it's warm instead of watering the plants in the middle of winter for crying out loud.



Now, I'm scared to go to work on Monday because I'm sure the whole company is going to know about it by then (the only thing my department does outside of work is gossip).



I'm scared of all the patronizing smiles undermining the little bit of authority I have in this company (managing this small team).



I don't know what to do. How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that? I know I can't undo what has been done, and I know actively trying to silence this is only going to lead to a Streisand-effect, but I don't want it to affect my workplace.



Leaving the company is not an option for me because of various reasons I cannot and don't want to go into, so please don't ask about it and please don't tell me to just "brush up my résumé".





Regarding the suggestion of responding with humor, I agree with Mike's comment:




Forcing herself to joke about something that clearly bothers her could easily backfire. What if one of the people that doesn't like her responds with a better and meaner joke? Will she always have a good one to come back with? A little too risky, in my opinion.




And Fattie's:




NEVER, EVER "answer with humour". It comes across as incredibly fake, nervous and weak. Nothing is more humiliating than "trying to make a joke".




I don't really want to answer with humor in this case, as it would most probably look like I'm trying too hard and it would still be visible that it bothers me.










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  • 1





    So, how did things go?

    – Alexandre Aubrey
    8 hours ago






  • 8





    I think the title should include that the son is an adult. The situation described is much different than what I'd expect a toddler embarrassing you might be.

    – THiebert
    7 hours ago











  • There is a difference between a professional level of care and a motherly one. You fulfilled your professional obligations, in my opinion. You bristle at the idea that you need advice talking to your kid, yet you put him on blast on this site? Seems legit. Anyway, as a someone's son, you would lose me forever if you came to work and threw your blameless kid under the bus to appease the trash who felt it appropriate to laugh in his face when he was standing outside of his mother's house, in front of his mother. Who mixed co-workers, alcohol and their kids? You did. Start the purges anyway.

    – chiggsy
    1 hour ago
















89















We had an event where the whole company got together, about 200 people. We had dinner, a live band, all in all it was a great evening. My small department (about 15 people) rented a small bus so we could go to this event together. When we drove home, my place was the closest so they dropped me off first. In front of our house we see this person peeing in the shadow. Illuminated by the car's headlights I recognize the person. It was my son (27, he still has a key and visits on weekends). You could clearly see that he was drunk, as he could barely stand up and walk straight. All of the people in the bus started laughing. To make things worse, he recognized me and called me, making sure everyone realized it was my son. I was absolutely mortified.



It was literally a few feet away from our house, he could have just gone in and taken a piss inside where it's warm instead of watering the plants in the middle of winter for crying out loud.



Now, I'm scared to go to work on Monday because I'm sure the whole company is going to know about it by then (the only thing my department does outside of work is gossip).



I'm scared of all the patronizing smiles undermining the little bit of authority I have in this company (managing this small team).



I don't know what to do. How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that? I know I can't undo what has been done, and I know actively trying to silence this is only going to lead to a Streisand-effect, but I don't want it to affect my workplace.



Leaving the company is not an option for me because of various reasons I cannot and don't want to go into, so please don't ask about it and please don't tell me to just "brush up my résumé".





Regarding the suggestion of responding with humor, I agree with Mike's comment:




Forcing herself to joke about something that clearly bothers her could easily backfire. What if one of the people that doesn't like her responds with a better and meaner joke? Will she always have a good one to come back with? A little too risky, in my opinion.




And Fattie's:




NEVER, EVER "answer with humour". It comes across as incredibly fake, nervous and weak. Nothing is more humiliating than "trying to make a joke".




I don't really want to answer with humor in this case, as it would most probably look like I'm trying too hard and it would still be visible that it bothers me.










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  • 1





    So, how did things go?

    – Alexandre Aubrey
    8 hours ago






  • 8





    I think the title should include that the son is an adult. The situation described is much different than what I'd expect a toddler embarrassing you might be.

    – THiebert
    7 hours ago











  • There is a difference between a professional level of care and a motherly one. You fulfilled your professional obligations, in my opinion. You bristle at the idea that you need advice talking to your kid, yet you put him on blast on this site? Seems legit. Anyway, as a someone's son, you would lose me forever if you came to work and threw your blameless kid under the bus to appease the trash who felt it appropriate to laugh in his face when he was standing outside of his mother's house, in front of his mother. Who mixed co-workers, alcohol and their kids? You did. Start the purges anyway.

    – chiggsy
    1 hour ago














89












89








89


8






We had an event where the whole company got together, about 200 people. We had dinner, a live band, all in all it was a great evening. My small department (about 15 people) rented a small bus so we could go to this event together. When we drove home, my place was the closest so they dropped me off first. In front of our house we see this person peeing in the shadow. Illuminated by the car's headlights I recognize the person. It was my son (27, he still has a key and visits on weekends). You could clearly see that he was drunk, as he could barely stand up and walk straight. All of the people in the bus started laughing. To make things worse, he recognized me and called me, making sure everyone realized it was my son. I was absolutely mortified.



It was literally a few feet away from our house, he could have just gone in and taken a piss inside where it's warm instead of watering the plants in the middle of winter for crying out loud.



Now, I'm scared to go to work on Monday because I'm sure the whole company is going to know about it by then (the only thing my department does outside of work is gossip).



I'm scared of all the patronizing smiles undermining the little bit of authority I have in this company (managing this small team).



I don't know what to do. How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that? I know I can't undo what has been done, and I know actively trying to silence this is only going to lead to a Streisand-effect, but I don't want it to affect my workplace.



Leaving the company is not an option for me because of various reasons I cannot and don't want to go into, so please don't ask about it and please don't tell me to just "brush up my résumé".





Regarding the suggestion of responding with humor, I agree with Mike's comment:




Forcing herself to joke about something that clearly bothers her could easily backfire. What if one of the people that doesn't like her responds with a better and meaner joke? Will she always have a good one to come back with? A little too risky, in my opinion.




And Fattie's:




NEVER, EVER "answer with humour". It comes across as incredibly fake, nervous and weak. Nothing is more humiliating than "trying to make a joke".




I don't really want to answer with humor in this case, as it would most probably look like I'm trying too hard and it would still be visible that it bothers me.










share|improve this question









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We had an event where the whole company got together, about 200 people. We had dinner, a live band, all in all it was a great evening. My small department (about 15 people) rented a small bus so we could go to this event together. When we drove home, my place was the closest so they dropped me off first. In front of our house we see this person peeing in the shadow. Illuminated by the car's headlights I recognize the person. It was my son (27, he still has a key and visits on weekends). You could clearly see that he was drunk, as he could barely stand up and walk straight. All of the people in the bus started laughing. To make things worse, he recognized me and called me, making sure everyone realized it was my son. I was absolutely mortified.



It was literally a few feet away from our house, he could have just gone in and taken a piss inside where it's warm instead of watering the plants in the middle of winter for crying out loud.



Now, I'm scared to go to work on Monday because I'm sure the whole company is going to know about it by then (the only thing my department does outside of work is gossip).



I'm scared of all the patronizing smiles undermining the little bit of authority I have in this company (managing this small team).



I don't know what to do. How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that? I know I can't undo what has been done, and I know actively trying to silence this is only going to lead to a Streisand-effect, but I don't want it to affect my workplace.



Leaving the company is not an option for me because of various reasons I cannot and don't want to go into, so please don't ask about it and please don't tell me to just "brush up my résumé".





Regarding the suggestion of responding with humor, I agree with Mike's comment:




Forcing herself to joke about something that clearly bothers her could easily backfire. What if one of the people that doesn't like her responds with a better and meaner joke? Will she always have a good one to come back with? A little too risky, in my opinion.




And Fattie's:




NEVER, EVER "answer with humour". It comes across as incredibly fake, nervous and weak. Nothing is more humiliating than "trying to make a joke".




I don't really want to answer with humor in this case, as it would most probably look like I'm trying too hard and it would still be visible that it bothers me.







work-environment colleagues gossip






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edited 11 mins ago









Dancrumb

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asked 2 days ago









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  • 1





    So, how did things go?

    – Alexandre Aubrey
    8 hours ago






  • 8





    I think the title should include that the son is an adult. The situation described is much different than what I'd expect a toddler embarrassing you might be.

    – THiebert
    7 hours ago











  • There is a difference between a professional level of care and a motherly one. You fulfilled your professional obligations, in my opinion. You bristle at the idea that you need advice talking to your kid, yet you put him on blast on this site? Seems legit. Anyway, as a someone's son, you would lose me forever if you came to work and threw your blameless kid under the bus to appease the trash who felt it appropriate to laugh in his face when he was standing outside of his mother's house, in front of his mother. Who mixed co-workers, alcohol and their kids? You did. Start the purges anyway.

    – chiggsy
    1 hour ago














  • 1





    So, how did things go?

    – Alexandre Aubrey
    8 hours ago






  • 8





    I think the title should include that the son is an adult. The situation described is much different than what I'd expect a toddler embarrassing you might be.

    – THiebert
    7 hours ago











  • There is a difference between a professional level of care and a motherly one. You fulfilled your professional obligations, in my opinion. You bristle at the idea that you need advice talking to your kid, yet you put him on blast on this site? Seems legit. Anyway, as a someone's son, you would lose me forever if you came to work and threw your blameless kid under the bus to appease the trash who felt it appropriate to laugh in his face when he was standing outside of his mother's house, in front of his mother. Who mixed co-workers, alcohol and their kids? You did. Start the purges anyway.

    – chiggsy
    1 hour ago








1




1





So, how did things go?

– Alexandre Aubrey
8 hours ago





So, how did things go?

– Alexandre Aubrey
8 hours ago




8




8





I think the title should include that the son is an adult. The situation described is much different than what I'd expect a toddler embarrassing you might be.

– THiebert
7 hours ago





I think the title should include that the son is an adult. The situation described is much different than what I'd expect a toddler embarrassing you might be.

– THiebert
7 hours ago













There is a difference between a professional level of care and a motherly one. You fulfilled your professional obligations, in my opinion. You bristle at the idea that you need advice talking to your kid, yet you put him on blast on this site? Seems legit. Anyway, as a someone's son, you would lose me forever if you came to work and threw your blameless kid under the bus to appease the trash who felt it appropriate to laugh in his face when he was standing outside of his mother's house, in front of his mother. Who mixed co-workers, alcohol and their kids? You did. Start the purges anyway.

– chiggsy
1 hour ago





There is a difference between a professional level of care and a motherly one. You fulfilled your professional obligations, in my opinion. You bristle at the idea that you need advice talking to your kid, yet you put him on blast on this site? Seems legit. Anyway, as a someone's son, you would lose me forever if you came to work and threw your blameless kid under the bus to appease the trash who felt it appropriate to laugh in his face when he was standing outside of his mother's house, in front of his mother. Who mixed co-workers, alcohol and their kids? You did. Start the purges anyway.

– chiggsy
1 hour ago










9 Answers
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To literally answer your question:




"How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that?"




Do exactly this:




Roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!"




Say and do nothing else, whatsoever.



If (incredibly) someone brings it up more than once, just absolutely repeat the same thing: roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!



Say and do nothing else whatsoever.



It is a non-issue. Nobody cares and it will be forgotten about by Noon, even if someone does happen to mention it.



That is precisely what you should do and say, if surprisingly, anyone even mentions it.






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    115














    I think you are attaching too much importance to this, insignificant, event.



    They probably will gossip a bit. They tell this story as what it is - a funny story to have a laugh about. You can't avoid it. Then they will forget.



    If they have been working with you for more than a few days, I can't imagine they could start behaving differently towards you just because of this incident.



    The more attention you will be devoting to it, the higher the probability people will add a second episode to the story ("Mom344 has been mortified and behaving super strangely as a result"). Just smile with the people, in one week nobody will remember. The best answer is humor. Tell them you brought up your son very well - he doesn't pee on your house.






    share|improve this answer





















    • 5





      Thank you for your answer, I'll try that. There are some people in the company however who are not particularly fond of me and they'll almost certainly try to turn this into some kind of "she can't even raise her son not to piss outside"-situation.

      – Mom344
      2 days ago








    • 4





      @Mom344 - He is 27? So to a certain degree he is old enough not to do that, at the same time his behavior is the product of your parenting. The shame you feel hits you because you know you are to a large part responsible for causing that, but do not want others to know that as well. So yes, people now know more about you, which you understandably tried to hide. That said, people make mistakes - that's kind of inevitable. The question however is how you handle them and if you learn from them. Some people will recognize when you try to avoid taking responsibility, some won't.

      – Battle
      16 hours ago






    • 8





      @Battle you are to a large part responsible for causing that that's a very strong and assumptive statement to make, people are not exclusively products of their parents' upbringing. It's unfair to shame OP over that.

      – Nobilis
      12 hours ago








    • 1





      @Nobilis - Even if parenting determines only 50% of your personality, it's still a lot. The difference good and bad parenting can have is extreme: Ranging from single-mother, welfare dependent, alcoholic up to healthy conservative family structure. We know statistically that there are significant differences in individual outcomes - the challenge is to detect mistakes and bad decisions. Otherwise things just happen and it's just bad luck, so no need for learning. I am merely expressing a harsh, potential truth, which may help her family as well if she is willing to take responsibility.

      – Battle
      12 hours ago






    • 6





      @Battle It says a lot about you that your range from bad to good parents is from single-mother to conservative family. Also her son is 27, much too old to be blaming his bad behavior on his parents. Even if he had to worst parents in the world he should have matured at some point and taken responsibility for his own actions. By blaming his mother you are implicitly taking that responsibility off of his shoulders

      – Kevin Wells
      8 hours ago





















    47














    Don't dwell on it. Admit to feeling embarrassed and move on. Your colleagues will respect you the same or more than before.



    Their laughter was likely because the level of embarrassment was trivial enough to make it legitimately funny in the moment. Most colleagues would not laugh at an event that seriously jeopardized your character or authority.



    Remember, your son peed on a fence. You didn't. And even if it was you, that wouldn't be the end of the world at most companies. Your colleagues found it funny, because it was funny. Most people with children (of any age) have felt embarassed by them at some point, and chances are at least one of your colleagues has peed in a bush at least once or twice. It's an empathetic scenario.



    How do you respond? I like Fattie's answer. Admit your feelings of exasperation at your son and then move on:




    "So embarrassing!"




    or




    "I was mortified."




    But here's where I'd like to take a moment and say that, if it were me, I'd welcome small embarassing events like this on occasion. Some of the best leaders I've worked with use moments like this to build rapport. Exposing slight vulnerabilities increases the comfort level between yourself and others. It's humanizing.



    If you're a storyteller, you can spin a yarn for colleagues that you feel close enough with to have a laugh. Here's an edit on your story. Imagine yourself in a casual setting with a colleague who was there and one that wasn't, both individuals you're somewhat comfortable with:




    "We had an event where the whole company got together - EVERYONE! About 200 people! We had dinner, a live band... the works. My department had rented a small bus, alright? I was the first stop on the way back. And when we pull up to my house, and there's a figure peeing in the shadow. Disconcerting, right? Well, illuminated by the car's headlights, I recognize him. It was my son. Yep. My 27 year old son. Drunk and stumbling about. My color blanched! I mean, what the hell Son344! This was so embarassing! All of the people in the bus started laughing. But here's the icing on the cake: he started calling out to me! He made sure every last person on the bus realized it was my son! It was awful! I was absolutely mortified!"




    The point is: you don't dodge trivialities. Either admit embarrassment and move on or own it completely. Recognize that the event was funny because it was trivial. You share a somewhat vulnerable story that couldn't damage your career anyway and gain rapport. In the end, you and your colleagues are human, and the workplace moves on.






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    • 7





      I like this answer because it's being completely honest. Ideally, such honesty isn't looked down on or ridiculed, but gains you respect as someone who doesn't shy away from problems but admits them and works through them. No workplace is ideal, of course, but you might find honesty is the best policy, and doesn't lose you any authority.

      – gidds
      yesterday











    • I upvoted this because it recognizes the co-workers' laughter as being an awkward, embarrassed, response to the incident. Everybody was embarrassed. A little bit. For a couple of minutes.

      – O. Jones
      11 hours ago



















    18














    I wouldn't worry too much about it. To be honest, I don't think it reflects too badly on you personally, and it says nothing about who you are professionally. As a member of your team, I certainly wouldn't judge you for it. Sure, there are always going to be people that do, but that is out of your control.



    Your best course of action would be to go to work and act like nothing ever happened. Don't bring it up yourself, and continue to manage your team the way you always have. If someone else brings it up, acknowledge that it happened but entertain the conversation as little as possible in a polite yet firm way. Continue to be professional, and make it clear that the personal shortcomings of your family are not what you are interested in discussing at work. You should appear as if their mention of the event did not faze you in the slightest. This will make them look and feel foolish for bringing it up and make you look like a professional person that should be respected.



    With that being said, you should definitely talk to your son about it!






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      14














      Don't worry. 90% of your colleagues fall into two categories: Those who have kids, and those who will have kids. What they have all in common: They are relieved that it was your son and not theirs.



      It's really no problem. I can tell you what a real problem is (happened to a friend of mine when he was 17). He came to school one morning, gathered all his friends, and told them "I'd rather tell you now before you read it in the newspaper, but my brother has just been arrested for murder". So you just go to work, and if anyone makes comments, you ask them if they have kids, and whether they have never, ever done anything embarrassing.






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        3














        As long as the jokes are in good taste and don't cross the line, I'd just roll with it. If they do cross the line, I'd approach the person with a witness and ask them if there is anything they need to discuss with me. Afterwards, I would firmly state that I will not tolerate the humiliation of myself, my family, or fellow colleagues at the workplace and that if it occurs again I will formally escalate the situation through the proper channels.



        Never be afraid to stand up for yourself or people you care about, even at work. They aren't very good colleagues if all they can do is poke fun at you and not recognize that it is embarrassing and upsets you.






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        • 1





          This is a great answer: there are excellent other answers here, but they all assume the coworkers are basically reasonable, emotionally mature people. Whilst this is a good assumption to begin with, the OP also needs to have all bases covered.

          – WetSavannaAnimal aka Rod Vance
          yesterday



















        0














        I don't have children, but in general if someone tries to bring up a subject that's unpleasant for me I try to reflect that by making it unpleasant to keep using that subject in a conversation.



        For example, on the softer side I may just listen and refuse to contribute more than necessary (so it doesn't go from unpleasant to awkward), in effect causing the conversation to die naturally, which typically results in either that or the conversation partner changing subjects to keep it alive.



        To make it more unpleasant you might also reflect the negative feelings that the subject evokes by presenting an alternate side to you that they won't want to deal with. For example, you might share whatever you feel comfortable in sharing about it while using a harsh tone about it (in the case it makes you mad). That tone shouldn't (and doesn't need to) be directed at them, unless what makes you mad is their reactions. The point is not so much communicating whatever your words technically say, but rather showing that if they want to keep that subject they'll have to deal with the unpleasantness it evokes in you. Nobody wants a negative conversation partner.



        Hmm... I may be overgeneralizing on the above paragraph, so I'll tell you: the example of a side I'm thinking of is a strict side. Sharing how you dealt with the problem and ensured that it never happens again in an assertive "this is what's going to happen" tone, might cause them to try to avoid that side of you (in part by changing the subject). Wanting to be strict might not be what you're feeling though, and it might not be part of your personality, so I'm not sure what would be an appropriate tone in that case. It's important to be natural, so I wouldn't try to pretend feelings.



        I generally like to be honest this way, instead of faking jokes and whatnot.



        Another option you could go for is being blunt and unafraid to bring up awkwardness. I mean, you could flat out stop the subject dead in its tracks on your own instead of trying to get other people to do it. You don't need to pretend that you're ok talking about it if you're not. You talked about respect. People respect those in control, so take control.






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          0














          It might help to analyze why the people in this story are responding the way that they do.



          First, your son. Obviously, he wasn't behaving in a way you'd expect a responsible 27-years old to behave. Then again, if he had known he would be embarrassing his mom in front of her colleagues, I'm pretty sure he would have taken a different course of action. So it was an unfortunate coincidence.



          Second, your colleagues. You showed them a glimpse of your home life (which I'm pretty sure some of them would hesitate to do) and the first thing they notice is your own son pissing all over it. A perfect example of situational irony. Those who laughed recognized the situation for what it was: an extremely unlikely, highly ironic coincidence, not to be taken seriously. A colleague who would hold this against you wouldn't have laughed.



          Finally, your own response. How embarrassed are you of something your 27-year old son did, and why does it embarrass you so much? Obviously, anyone in your position would have been embarrassed at the moment it happened; that's what makes it funny. But their laughter was meant to defuse that. As others have said, acknowledge your embarrassment at that time, but don't assume your colleagues were laughing at you, or are still laughing at you - it was the situation that made them laugh.






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            -3














            While most responses at work will probably not be troublesome, I recommend batting down the more problematic ones directly and politely. "You mind your business. I will certainly be minding mine."

            Sometimes, people need a gentle reminder about boundaries. Own yours -- it's your right, and in the workplace, a responsibility. You have a job to do.

            Any humor for your co-workers will have to wait.





            Edit: I have used this sort of approach myself at times. I am clarifying this answer due to a threat of deletion from one person who has repeated his opinion in comments four or five times, and now wants to delete this answer.



            You don't have to be a jerk in order to say things that another person might not want to hear. I shouldn't have to add that these words should probably not be snarled, snapped or growled. There's nothing "rude" (see comments) about being clear -- to the contrary, it is a courtesy, much appreciated by grown-ups, particularly in the workplace. More on the chat.






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            • 5





              This is probably about the worst way you could handle the situation. Being rude to people is not "owning it".

              – Lightness Races in Orbit
              14 hours ago






            • 1





              @LightnessRacesinOrbit why would saying this be rude? Surely whoever is making a joke at OP's expense is already guilty of being rude themselves; they shouldn't be shocked if their joke backfires with a response like this.

              – CactusCake
              12 hours ago













            • @CactusCake Even if we accept that the joker is being rude (and that's a bit of a reach), that's no excuse to be rude yourself, and doing so certainly isn't going to help anything.

              – Lightness Races in Orbit
              12 hours ago






            • 1





              @LightnessRacesinOrbit I just don't see how "mind your business" is a rude statement. If somebody said that to me I wouldn't think they were being rude, I would assume that whatever I said that prompted this response obviously touched a nerve. Some people are more sensitive than others. While hearing this might make the recipient uncomfortable, it's probably not as uncomfortable as the person who said it is feeling.

              – CactusCake
              12 hours ago








            • 1





              @LightnessRacesinOrbit just because it isn't friendly doesn't make it rude. It's just matter of fact. Anyway, why should anyone have to be friendly towards someone who is making fun of them?

              – CactusCake
              11 hours ago



















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            active

            oldest

            votes






            active

            oldest

            votes









            184














            To literally answer your question:




            "How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that?"




            Do exactly this:




            Roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!"




            Say and do nothing else, whatsoever.



            If (incredibly) someone brings it up more than once, just absolutely repeat the same thing: roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!



            Say and do nothing else whatsoever.



            It is a non-issue. Nobody cares and it will be forgotten about by Noon, even if someone does happen to mention it.



            That is precisely what you should do and say, if surprisingly, anyone even mentions it.






            share|improve this answer






























              184














              To literally answer your question:




              "How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that?"




              Do exactly this:




              Roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!"




              Say and do nothing else, whatsoever.



              If (incredibly) someone brings it up more than once, just absolutely repeat the same thing: roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!



              Say and do nothing else whatsoever.



              It is a non-issue. Nobody cares and it will be forgotten about by Noon, even if someone does happen to mention it.



              That is precisely what you should do and say, if surprisingly, anyone even mentions it.






              share|improve this answer




























                184












                184








                184







                To literally answer your question:




                "How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that?"




                Do exactly this:




                Roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!"




                Say and do nothing else, whatsoever.



                If (incredibly) someone brings it up more than once, just absolutely repeat the same thing: roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!



                Say and do nothing else whatsoever.



                It is a non-issue. Nobody cares and it will be forgotten about by Noon, even if someone does happen to mention it.



                That is precisely what you should do and say, if surprisingly, anyone even mentions it.






                share|improve this answer















                To literally answer your question:




                "How should I react when someone brings it up during work or in the breaks? How should I react to jokes about that?"




                Do exactly this:




                Roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!"




                Say and do nothing else, whatsoever.



                If (incredibly) someone brings it up more than once, just absolutely repeat the same thing: roll your eyes and say, "How embarrassing!



                Say and do nothing else whatsoever.



                It is a non-issue. Nobody cares and it will be forgotten about by Noon, even if someone does happen to mention it.



                That is precisely what you should do and say, if surprisingly, anyone even mentions it.







                share|improve this answer














                share|improve this answer



                share|improve this answer








                edited 2 hours ago

























                answered 2 days ago









                FattieFattie

                10.2k51933




                10.2k51933

























                    115














                    I think you are attaching too much importance to this, insignificant, event.



                    They probably will gossip a bit. They tell this story as what it is - a funny story to have a laugh about. You can't avoid it. Then they will forget.



                    If they have been working with you for more than a few days, I can't imagine they could start behaving differently towards you just because of this incident.



                    The more attention you will be devoting to it, the higher the probability people will add a second episode to the story ("Mom344 has been mortified and behaving super strangely as a result"). Just smile with the people, in one week nobody will remember. The best answer is humor. Tell them you brought up your son very well - he doesn't pee on your house.






                    share|improve this answer





















                    • 5





                      Thank you for your answer, I'll try that. There are some people in the company however who are not particularly fond of me and they'll almost certainly try to turn this into some kind of "she can't even raise her son not to piss outside"-situation.

                      – Mom344
                      2 days ago








                    • 4





                      @Mom344 - He is 27? So to a certain degree he is old enough not to do that, at the same time his behavior is the product of your parenting. The shame you feel hits you because you know you are to a large part responsible for causing that, but do not want others to know that as well. So yes, people now know more about you, which you understandably tried to hide. That said, people make mistakes - that's kind of inevitable. The question however is how you handle them and if you learn from them. Some people will recognize when you try to avoid taking responsibility, some won't.

                      – Battle
                      16 hours ago






                    • 8





                      @Battle you are to a large part responsible for causing that that's a very strong and assumptive statement to make, people are not exclusively products of their parents' upbringing. It's unfair to shame OP over that.

                      – Nobilis
                      12 hours ago








                    • 1





                      @Nobilis - Even if parenting determines only 50% of your personality, it's still a lot. The difference good and bad parenting can have is extreme: Ranging from single-mother, welfare dependent, alcoholic up to healthy conservative family structure. We know statistically that there are significant differences in individual outcomes - the challenge is to detect mistakes and bad decisions. Otherwise things just happen and it's just bad luck, so no need for learning. I am merely expressing a harsh, potential truth, which may help her family as well if she is willing to take responsibility.

                      – Battle
                      12 hours ago






                    • 6





                      @Battle It says a lot about you that your range from bad to good parents is from single-mother to conservative family. Also her son is 27, much too old to be blaming his bad behavior on his parents. Even if he had to worst parents in the world he should have matured at some point and taken responsibility for his own actions. By blaming his mother you are implicitly taking that responsibility off of his shoulders

                      – Kevin Wells
                      8 hours ago


















                    115














                    I think you are attaching too much importance to this, insignificant, event.



                    They probably will gossip a bit. They tell this story as what it is - a funny story to have a laugh about. You can't avoid it. Then they will forget.



                    If they have been working with you for more than a few days, I can't imagine they could start behaving differently towards you just because of this incident.



                    The more attention you will be devoting to it, the higher the probability people will add a second episode to the story ("Mom344 has been mortified and behaving super strangely as a result"). Just smile with the people, in one week nobody will remember. The best answer is humor. Tell them you brought up your son very well - he doesn't pee on your house.






                    share|improve this answer





















                    • 5





                      Thank you for your answer, I'll try that. There are some people in the company however who are not particularly fond of me and they'll almost certainly try to turn this into some kind of "she can't even raise her son not to piss outside"-situation.

                      – Mom344
                      2 days ago








                    • 4





                      @Mom344 - He is 27? So to a certain degree he is old enough not to do that, at the same time his behavior is the product of your parenting. The shame you feel hits you because you know you are to a large part responsible for causing that, but do not want others to know that as well. So yes, people now know more about you, which you understandably tried to hide. That said, people make mistakes - that's kind of inevitable. The question however is how you handle them and if you learn from them. Some people will recognize when you try to avoid taking responsibility, some won't.

                      – Battle
                      16 hours ago






                    • 8





                      @Battle you are to a large part responsible for causing that that's a very strong and assumptive statement to make, people are not exclusively products of their parents' upbringing. It's unfair to shame OP over that.

                      – Nobilis
                      12 hours ago








                    • 1





                      @Nobilis - Even if parenting determines only 50% of your personality, it's still a lot. The difference good and bad parenting can have is extreme: Ranging from single-mother, welfare dependent, alcoholic up to healthy conservative family structure. We know statistically that there are significant differences in individual outcomes - the challenge is to detect mistakes and bad decisions. Otherwise things just happen and it's just bad luck, so no need for learning. I am merely expressing a harsh, potential truth, which may help her family as well if she is willing to take responsibility.

                      – Battle
                      12 hours ago






                    • 6





                      @Battle It says a lot about you that your range from bad to good parents is from single-mother to conservative family. Also her son is 27, much too old to be blaming his bad behavior on his parents. Even if he had to worst parents in the world he should have matured at some point and taken responsibility for his own actions. By blaming his mother you are implicitly taking that responsibility off of his shoulders

                      – Kevin Wells
                      8 hours ago
















                    115












                    115








                    115







                    I think you are attaching too much importance to this, insignificant, event.



                    They probably will gossip a bit. They tell this story as what it is - a funny story to have a laugh about. You can't avoid it. Then they will forget.



                    If they have been working with you for more than a few days, I can't imagine they could start behaving differently towards you just because of this incident.



                    The more attention you will be devoting to it, the higher the probability people will add a second episode to the story ("Mom344 has been mortified and behaving super strangely as a result"). Just smile with the people, in one week nobody will remember. The best answer is humor. Tell them you brought up your son very well - he doesn't pee on your house.






                    share|improve this answer















                    I think you are attaching too much importance to this, insignificant, event.



                    They probably will gossip a bit. They tell this story as what it is - a funny story to have a laugh about. You can't avoid it. Then they will forget.



                    If they have been working with you for more than a few days, I can't imagine they could start behaving differently towards you just because of this incident.



                    The more attention you will be devoting to it, the higher the probability people will add a second episode to the story ("Mom344 has been mortified and behaving super strangely as a result"). Just smile with the people, in one week nobody will remember. The best answer is humor. Tell them you brought up your son very well - he doesn't pee on your house.







                    share|improve this answer














                    share|improve this answer



                    share|improve this answer








                    edited 2 days ago

























                    answered 2 days ago









                    BigMadAndyBigMadAndy

                    12.7k112259




                    12.7k112259








                    • 5





                      Thank you for your answer, I'll try that. There are some people in the company however who are not particularly fond of me and they'll almost certainly try to turn this into some kind of "she can't even raise her son not to piss outside"-situation.

                      – Mom344
                      2 days ago








                    • 4





                      @Mom344 - He is 27? So to a certain degree he is old enough not to do that, at the same time his behavior is the product of your parenting. The shame you feel hits you because you know you are to a large part responsible for causing that, but do not want others to know that as well. So yes, people now know more about you, which you understandably tried to hide. That said, people make mistakes - that's kind of inevitable. The question however is how you handle them and if you learn from them. Some people will recognize when you try to avoid taking responsibility, some won't.

                      – Battle
                      16 hours ago






                    • 8





                      @Battle you are to a large part responsible for causing that that's a very strong and assumptive statement to make, people are not exclusively products of their parents' upbringing. It's unfair to shame OP over that.

                      – Nobilis
                      12 hours ago








                    • 1





                      @Nobilis - Even if parenting determines only 50% of your personality, it's still a lot. The difference good and bad parenting can have is extreme: Ranging from single-mother, welfare dependent, alcoholic up to healthy conservative family structure. We know statistically that there are significant differences in individual outcomes - the challenge is to detect mistakes and bad decisions. Otherwise things just happen and it's just bad luck, so no need for learning. I am merely expressing a harsh, potential truth, which may help her family as well if she is willing to take responsibility.

                      – Battle
                      12 hours ago






                    • 6





                      @Battle It says a lot about you that your range from bad to good parents is from single-mother to conservative family. Also her son is 27, much too old to be blaming his bad behavior on his parents. Even if he had to worst parents in the world he should have matured at some point and taken responsibility for his own actions. By blaming his mother you are implicitly taking that responsibility off of his shoulders

                      – Kevin Wells
                      8 hours ago
















                    • 5





                      Thank you for your answer, I'll try that. There are some people in the company however who are not particularly fond of me and they'll almost certainly try to turn this into some kind of "she can't even raise her son not to piss outside"-situation.

                      – Mom344
                      2 days ago








                    • 4





                      @Mom344 - He is 27? So to a certain degree he is old enough not to do that, at the same time his behavior is the product of your parenting. The shame you feel hits you because you know you are to a large part responsible for causing that, but do not want others to know that as well. So yes, people now know more about you, which you understandably tried to hide. That said, people make mistakes - that's kind of inevitable. The question however is how you handle them and if you learn from them. Some people will recognize when you try to avoid taking responsibility, some won't.

                      – Battle
                      16 hours ago






                    • 8





                      @Battle you are to a large part responsible for causing that that's a very strong and assumptive statement to make, people are not exclusively products of their parents' upbringing. It's unfair to shame OP over that.

                      – Nobilis
                      12 hours ago








                    • 1





                      @Nobilis - Even if parenting determines only 50% of your personality, it's still a lot. The difference good and bad parenting can have is extreme: Ranging from single-mother, welfare dependent, alcoholic up to healthy conservative family structure. We know statistically that there are significant differences in individual outcomes - the challenge is to detect mistakes and bad decisions. Otherwise things just happen and it's just bad luck, so no need for learning. I am merely expressing a harsh, potential truth, which may help her family as well if she is willing to take responsibility.

                      – Battle
                      12 hours ago






                    • 6





                      @Battle It says a lot about you that your range from bad to good parents is from single-mother to conservative family. Also her son is 27, much too old to be blaming his bad behavior on his parents. Even if he had to worst parents in the world he should have matured at some point and taken responsibility for his own actions. By blaming his mother you are implicitly taking that responsibility off of his shoulders

                      – Kevin Wells
                      8 hours ago










                    5




                    5





                    Thank you for your answer, I'll try that. There are some people in the company however who are not particularly fond of me and they'll almost certainly try to turn this into some kind of "she can't even raise her son not to piss outside"-situation.

                    – Mom344
                    2 days ago







                    Thank you for your answer, I'll try that. There are some people in the company however who are not particularly fond of me and they'll almost certainly try to turn this into some kind of "she can't even raise her son not to piss outside"-situation.

                    – Mom344
                    2 days ago






                    4




                    4





                    @Mom344 - He is 27? So to a certain degree he is old enough not to do that, at the same time his behavior is the product of your parenting. The shame you feel hits you because you know you are to a large part responsible for causing that, but do not want others to know that as well. So yes, people now know more about you, which you understandably tried to hide. That said, people make mistakes - that's kind of inevitable. The question however is how you handle them and if you learn from them. Some people will recognize when you try to avoid taking responsibility, some won't.

                    – Battle
                    16 hours ago





                    @Mom344 - He is 27? So to a certain degree he is old enough not to do that, at the same time his behavior is the product of your parenting. The shame you feel hits you because you know you are to a large part responsible for causing that, but do not want others to know that as well. So yes, people now know more about you, which you understandably tried to hide. That said, people make mistakes - that's kind of inevitable. The question however is how you handle them and if you learn from them. Some people will recognize when you try to avoid taking responsibility, some won't.

                    – Battle
                    16 hours ago




                    8




                    8





                    @Battle you are to a large part responsible for causing that that's a very strong and assumptive statement to make, people are not exclusively products of their parents' upbringing. It's unfair to shame OP over that.

                    – Nobilis
                    12 hours ago







                    @Battle you are to a large part responsible for causing that that's a very strong and assumptive statement to make, people are not exclusively products of their parents' upbringing. It's unfair to shame OP over that.

                    – Nobilis
                    12 hours ago






                    1




                    1





                    @Nobilis - Even if parenting determines only 50% of your personality, it's still a lot. The difference good and bad parenting can have is extreme: Ranging from single-mother, welfare dependent, alcoholic up to healthy conservative family structure. We know statistically that there are significant differences in individual outcomes - the challenge is to detect mistakes and bad decisions. Otherwise things just happen and it's just bad luck, so no need for learning. I am merely expressing a harsh, potential truth, which may help her family as well if she is willing to take responsibility.

                    – Battle
                    12 hours ago





                    @Nobilis - Even if parenting determines only 50% of your personality, it's still a lot. The difference good and bad parenting can have is extreme: Ranging from single-mother, welfare dependent, alcoholic up to healthy conservative family structure. We know statistically that there are significant differences in individual outcomes - the challenge is to detect mistakes and bad decisions. Otherwise things just happen and it's just bad luck, so no need for learning. I am merely expressing a harsh, potential truth, which may help her family as well if she is willing to take responsibility.

                    – Battle
                    12 hours ago




                    6




                    6





                    @Battle It says a lot about you that your range from bad to good parents is from single-mother to conservative family. Also her son is 27, much too old to be blaming his bad behavior on his parents. Even if he had to worst parents in the world he should have matured at some point and taken responsibility for his own actions. By blaming his mother you are implicitly taking that responsibility off of his shoulders

                    – Kevin Wells
                    8 hours ago







                    @Battle It says a lot about you that your range from bad to good parents is from single-mother to conservative family. Also her son is 27, much too old to be blaming his bad behavior on his parents. Even if he had to worst parents in the world he should have matured at some point and taken responsibility for his own actions. By blaming his mother you are implicitly taking that responsibility off of his shoulders

                    – Kevin Wells
                    8 hours ago













                    47














                    Don't dwell on it. Admit to feeling embarrassed and move on. Your colleagues will respect you the same or more than before.



                    Their laughter was likely because the level of embarrassment was trivial enough to make it legitimately funny in the moment. Most colleagues would not laugh at an event that seriously jeopardized your character or authority.



                    Remember, your son peed on a fence. You didn't. And even if it was you, that wouldn't be the end of the world at most companies. Your colleagues found it funny, because it was funny. Most people with children (of any age) have felt embarassed by them at some point, and chances are at least one of your colleagues has peed in a bush at least once or twice. It's an empathetic scenario.



                    How do you respond? I like Fattie's answer. Admit your feelings of exasperation at your son and then move on:




                    "So embarrassing!"




                    or




                    "I was mortified."




                    But here's where I'd like to take a moment and say that, if it were me, I'd welcome small embarassing events like this on occasion. Some of the best leaders I've worked with use moments like this to build rapport. Exposing slight vulnerabilities increases the comfort level between yourself and others. It's humanizing.



                    If you're a storyteller, you can spin a yarn for colleagues that you feel close enough with to have a laugh. Here's an edit on your story. Imagine yourself in a casual setting with a colleague who was there and one that wasn't, both individuals you're somewhat comfortable with:




                    "We had an event where the whole company got together - EVERYONE! About 200 people! We had dinner, a live band... the works. My department had rented a small bus, alright? I was the first stop on the way back. And when we pull up to my house, and there's a figure peeing in the shadow. Disconcerting, right? Well, illuminated by the car's headlights, I recognize him. It was my son. Yep. My 27 year old son. Drunk and stumbling about. My color blanched! I mean, what the hell Son344! This was so embarassing! All of the people in the bus started laughing. But here's the icing on the cake: he started calling out to me! He made sure every last person on the bus realized it was my son! It was awful! I was absolutely mortified!"




                    The point is: you don't dodge trivialities. Either admit embarrassment and move on or own it completely. Recognize that the event was funny because it was trivial. You share a somewhat vulnerable story that couldn't damage your career anyway and gain rapport. In the end, you and your colleagues are human, and the workplace moves on.






                    share|improve this answer










                    New contributor




                    zahbaz is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                    Check out our Code of Conduct.
















                    • 7





                      I like this answer because it's being completely honest. Ideally, such honesty isn't looked down on or ridiculed, but gains you respect as someone who doesn't shy away from problems but admits them and works through them. No workplace is ideal, of course, but you might find honesty is the best policy, and doesn't lose you any authority.

                      – gidds
                      yesterday











                    • I upvoted this because it recognizes the co-workers' laughter as being an awkward, embarrassed, response to the incident. Everybody was embarrassed. A little bit. For a couple of minutes.

                      – O. Jones
                      11 hours ago
















                    47














                    Don't dwell on it. Admit to feeling embarrassed and move on. Your colleagues will respect you the same or more than before.



                    Their laughter was likely because the level of embarrassment was trivial enough to make it legitimately funny in the moment. Most colleagues would not laugh at an event that seriously jeopardized your character or authority.



                    Remember, your son peed on a fence. You didn't. And even if it was you, that wouldn't be the end of the world at most companies. Your colleagues found it funny, because it was funny. Most people with children (of any age) have felt embarassed by them at some point, and chances are at least one of your colleagues has peed in a bush at least once or twice. It's an empathetic scenario.



                    How do you respond? I like Fattie's answer. Admit your feelings of exasperation at your son and then move on:




                    "So embarrassing!"




                    or




                    "I was mortified."




                    But here's where I'd like to take a moment and say that, if it were me, I'd welcome small embarassing events like this on occasion. Some of the best leaders I've worked with use moments like this to build rapport. Exposing slight vulnerabilities increases the comfort level between yourself and others. It's humanizing.



                    If you're a storyteller, you can spin a yarn for colleagues that you feel close enough with to have a laugh. Here's an edit on your story. Imagine yourself in a casual setting with a colleague who was there and one that wasn't, both individuals you're somewhat comfortable with:




                    "We had an event where the whole company got together - EVERYONE! About 200 people! We had dinner, a live band... the works. My department had rented a small bus, alright? I was the first stop on the way back. And when we pull up to my house, and there's a figure peeing in the shadow. Disconcerting, right? Well, illuminated by the car's headlights, I recognize him. It was my son. Yep. My 27 year old son. Drunk and stumbling about. My color blanched! I mean, what the hell Son344! This was so embarassing! All of the people in the bus started laughing. But here's the icing on the cake: he started calling out to me! He made sure every last person on the bus realized it was my son! It was awful! I was absolutely mortified!"




                    The point is: you don't dodge trivialities. Either admit embarrassment and move on or own it completely. Recognize that the event was funny because it was trivial. You share a somewhat vulnerable story that couldn't damage your career anyway and gain rapport. In the end, you and your colleagues are human, and the workplace moves on.






                    share|improve this answer










                    New contributor




                    zahbaz is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                    Check out our Code of Conduct.
















                    • 7





                      I like this answer because it's being completely honest. Ideally, such honesty isn't looked down on or ridiculed, but gains you respect as someone who doesn't shy away from problems but admits them and works through them. No workplace is ideal, of course, but you might find honesty is the best policy, and doesn't lose you any authority.

                      – gidds
                      yesterday











                    • I upvoted this because it recognizes the co-workers' laughter as being an awkward, embarrassed, response to the incident. Everybody was embarrassed. A little bit. For a couple of minutes.

                      – O. Jones
                      11 hours ago














                    47












                    47








                    47







                    Don't dwell on it. Admit to feeling embarrassed and move on. Your colleagues will respect you the same or more than before.



                    Their laughter was likely because the level of embarrassment was trivial enough to make it legitimately funny in the moment. Most colleagues would not laugh at an event that seriously jeopardized your character or authority.



                    Remember, your son peed on a fence. You didn't. And even if it was you, that wouldn't be the end of the world at most companies. Your colleagues found it funny, because it was funny. Most people with children (of any age) have felt embarassed by them at some point, and chances are at least one of your colleagues has peed in a bush at least once or twice. It's an empathetic scenario.



                    How do you respond? I like Fattie's answer. Admit your feelings of exasperation at your son and then move on:




                    "So embarrassing!"




                    or




                    "I was mortified."




                    But here's where I'd like to take a moment and say that, if it were me, I'd welcome small embarassing events like this on occasion. Some of the best leaders I've worked with use moments like this to build rapport. Exposing slight vulnerabilities increases the comfort level between yourself and others. It's humanizing.



                    If you're a storyteller, you can spin a yarn for colleagues that you feel close enough with to have a laugh. Here's an edit on your story. Imagine yourself in a casual setting with a colleague who was there and one that wasn't, both individuals you're somewhat comfortable with:




                    "We had an event where the whole company got together - EVERYONE! About 200 people! We had dinner, a live band... the works. My department had rented a small bus, alright? I was the first stop on the way back. And when we pull up to my house, and there's a figure peeing in the shadow. Disconcerting, right? Well, illuminated by the car's headlights, I recognize him. It was my son. Yep. My 27 year old son. Drunk and stumbling about. My color blanched! I mean, what the hell Son344! This was so embarassing! All of the people in the bus started laughing. But here's the icing on the cake: he started calling out to me! He made sure every last person on the bus realized it was my son! It was awful! I was absolutely mortified!"




                    The point is: you don't dodge trivialities. Either admit embarrassment and move on or own it completely. Recognize that the event was funny because it was trivial. You share a somewhat vulnerable story that couldn't damage your career anyway and gain rapport. In the end, you and your colleagues are human, and the workplace moves on.






                    share|improve this answer










                    New contributor




                    zahbaz is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                    Check out our Code of Conduct.










                    Don't dwell on it. Admit to feeling embarrassed and move on. Your colleagues will respect you the same or more than before.



                    Their laughter was likely because the level of embarrassment was trivial enough to make it legitimately funny in the moment. Most colleagues would not laugh at an event that seriously jeopardized your character or authority.



                    Remember, your son peed on a fence. You didn't. And even if it was you, that wouldn't be the end of the world at most companies. Your colleagues found it funny, because it was funny. Most people with children (of any age) have felt embarassed by them at some point, and chances are at least one of your colleagues has peed in a bush at least once or twice. It's an empathetic scenario.



                    How do you respond? I like Fattie's answer. Admit your feelings of exasperation at your son and then move on:




                    "So embarrassing!"




                    or




                    "I was mortified."




                    But here's where I'd like to take a moment and say that, if it were me, I'd welcome small embarassing events like this on occasion. Some of the best leaders I've worked with use moments like this to build rapport. Exposing slight vulnerabilities increases the comfort level between yourself and others. It's humanizing.



                    If you're a storyteller, you can spin a yarn for colleagues that you feel close enough with to have a laugh. Here's an edit on your story. Imagine yourself in a casual setting with a colleague who was there and one that wasn't, both individuals you're somewhat comfortable with:




                    "We had an event where the whole company got together - EVERYONE! About 200 people! We had dinner, a live band... the works. My department had rented a small bus, alright? I was the first stop on the way back. And when we pull up to my house, and there's a figure peeing in the shadow. Disconcerting, right? Well, illuminated by the car's headlights, I recognize him. It was my son. Yep. My 27 year old son. Drunk and stumbling about. My color blanched! I mean, what the hell Son344! This was so embarassing! All of the people in the bus started laughing. But here's the icing on the cake: he started calling out to me! He made sure every last person on the bus realized it was my son! It was awful! I was absolutely mortified!"




                    The point is: you don't dodge trivialities. Either admit embarrassment and move on or own it completely. Recognize that the event was funny because it was trivial. You share a somewhat vulnerable story that couldn't damage your career anyway and gain rapport. In the end, you and your colleagues are human, and the workplace moves on.







                    share|improve this answer










                    New contributor




                    zahbaz is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                    Check out our Code of Conduct.









                    share|improve this answer



                    share|improve this answer








                    edited 2 days ago









                    V2Blast

                    23638




                    23638






                    New contributor




                    zahbaz is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                    Check out our Code of Conduct.









                    answered 2 days ago









                    zahbazzahbaz

                    51917




                    51917




                    New contributor




                    zahbaz is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                    Check out our Code of Conduct.





                    New contributor





                    zahbaz is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                    Check out our Code of Conduct.






                    zahbaz is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                    Check out our Code of Conduct.








                    • 7





                      I like this answer because it's being completely honest. Ideally, such honesty isn't looked down on or ridiculed, but gains you respect as someone who doesn't shy away from problems but admits them and works through them. No workplace is ideal, of course, but you might find honesty is the best policy, and doesn't lose you any authority.

                      – gidds
                      yesterday











                    • I upvoted this because it recognizes the co-workers' laughter as being an awkward, embarrassed, response to the incident. Everybody was embarrassed. A little bit. For a couple of minutes.

                      – O. Jones
                      11 hours ago














                    • 7





                      I like this answer because it's being completely honest. Ideally, such honesty isn't looked down on or ridiculed, but gains you respect as someone who doesn't shy away from problems but admits them and works through them. No workplace is ideal, of course, but you might find honesty is the best policy, and doesn't lose you any authority.

                      – gidds
                      yesterday











                    • I upvoted this because it recognizes the co-workers' laughter as being an awkward, embarrassed, response to the incident. Everybody was embarrassed. A little bit. For a couple of minutes.

                      – O. Jones
                      11 hours ago








                    7




                    7





                    I like this answer because it's being completely honest. Ideally, such honesty isn't looked down on or ridiculed, but gains you respect as someone who doesn't shy away from problems but admits them and works through them. No workplace is ideal, of course, but you might find honesty is the best policy, and doesn't lose you any authority.

                    – gidds
                    yesterday





                    I like this answer because it's being completely honest. Ideally, such honesty isn't looked down on or ridiculed, but gains you respect as someone who doesn't shy away from problems but admits them and works through them. No workplace is ideal, of course, but you might find honesty is the best policy, and doesn't lose you any authority.

                    – gidds
                    yesterday













                    I upvoted this because it recognizes the co-workers' laughter as being an awkward, embarrassed, response to the incident. Everybody was embarrassed. A little bit. For a couple of minutes.

                    – O. Jones
                    11 hours ago





                    I upvoted this because it recognizes the co-workers' laughter as being an awkward, embarrassed, response to the incident. Everybody was embarrassed. A little bit. For a couple of minutes.

                    – O. Jones
                    11 hours ago











                    18














                    I wouldn't worry too much about it. To be honest, I don't think it reflects too badly on you personally, and it says nothing about who you are professionally. As a member of your team, I certainly wouldn't judge you for it. Sure, there are always going to be people that do, but that is out of your control.



                    Your best course of action would be to go to work and act like nothing ever happened. Don't bring it up yourself, and continue to manage your team the way you always have. If someone else brings it up, acknowledge that it happened but entertain the conversation as little as possible in a polite yet firm way. Continue to be professional, and make it clear that the personal shortcomings of your family are not what you are interested in discussing at work. You should appear as if their mention of the event did not faze you in the slightest. This will make them look and feel foolish for bringing it up and make you look like a professional person that should be respected.



                    With that being said, you should definitely talk to your son about it!






                    share|improve this answer






























                      18














                      I wouldn't worry too much about it. To be honest, I don't think it reflects too badly on you personally, and it says nothing about who you are professionally. As a member of your team, I certainly wouldn't judge you for it. Sure, there are always going to be people that do, but that is out of your control.



                      Your best course of action would be to go to work and act like nothing ever happened. Don't bring it up yourself, and continue to manage your team the way you always have. If someone else brings it up, acknowledge that it happened but entertain the conversation as little as possible in a polite yet firm way. Continue to be professional, and make it clear that the personal shortcomings of your family are not what you are interested in discussing at work. You should appear as if their mention of the event did not faze you in the slightest. This will make them look and feel foolish for bringing it up and make you look like a professional person that should be respected.



                      With that being said, you should definitely talk to your son about it!






                      share|improve this answer




























                        18












                        18








                        18







                        I wouldn't worry too much about it. To be honest, I don't think it reflects too badly on you personally, and it says nothing about who you are professionally. As a member of your team, I certainly wouldn't judge you for it. Sure, there are always going to be people that do, but that is out of your control.



                        Your best course of action would be to go to work and act like nothing ever happened. Don't bring it up yourself, and continue to manage your team the way you always have. If someone else brings it up, acknowledge that it happened but entertain the conversation as little as possible in a polite yet firm way. Continue to be professional, and make it clear that the personal shortcomings of your family are not what you are interested in discussing at work. You should appear as if their mention of the event did not faze you in the slightest. This will make them look and feel foolish for bringing it up and make you look like a professional person that should be respected.



                        With that being said, you should definitely talk to your son about it!






                        share|improve this answer















                        I wouldn't worry too much about it. To be honest, I don't think it reflects too badly on you personally, and it says nothing about who you are professionally. As a member of your team, I certainly wouldn't judge you for it. Sure, there are always going to be people that do, but that is out of your control.



                        Your best course of action would be to go to work and act like nothing ever happened. Don't bring it up yourself, and continue to manage your team the way you always have. If someone else brings it up, acknowledge that it happened but entertain the conversation as little as possible in a polite yet firm way. Continue to be professional, and make it clear that the personal shortcomings of your family are not what you are interested in discussing at work. You should appear as if their mention of the event did not faze you in the slightest. This will make them look and feel foolish for bringing it up and make you look like a professional person that should be respected.



                        With that being said, you should definitely talk to your son about it!







                        share|improve this answer














                        share|improve this answer



                        share|improve this answer








                        edited 2 days ago

























                        answered 2 days ago









                        Mike BorklandMike Borkland

                        2994




                        2994























                            14














                            Don't worry. 90% of your colleagues fall into two categories: Those who have kids, and those who will have kids. What they have all in common: They are relieved that it was your son and not theirs.



                            It's really no problem. I can tell you what a real problem is (happened to a friend of mine when he was 17). He came to school one morning, gathered all his friends, and told them "I'd rather tell you now before you read it in the newspaper, but my brother has just been arrested for murder". So you just go to work, and if anyone makes comments, you ask them if they have kids, and whether they have never, ever done anything embarrassing.






                            share|improve this answer




























                              14














                              Don't worry. 90% of your colleagues fall into two categories: Those who have kids, and those who will have kids. What they have all in common: They are relieved that it was your son and not theirs.



                              It's really no problem. I can tell you what a real problem is (happened to a friend of mine when he was 17). He came to school one morning, gathered all his friends, and told them "I'd rather tell you now before you read it in the newspaper, but my brother has just been arrested for murder". So you just go to work, and if anyone makes comments, you ask them if they have kids, and whether they have never, ever done anything embarrassing.






                              share|improve this answer


























                                14












                                14








                                14







                                Don't worry. 90% of your colleagues fall into two categories: Those who have kids, and those who will have kids. What they have all in common: They are relieved that it was your son and not theirs.



                                It's really no problem. I can tell you what a real problem is (happened to a friend of mine when he was 17). He came to school one morning, gathered all his friends, and told them "I'd rather tell you now before you read it in the newspaper, but my brother has just been arrested for murder". So you just go to work, and if anyone makes comments, you ask them if they have kids, and whether they have never, ever done anything embarrassing.






                                share|improve this answer













                                Don't worry. 90% of your colleagues fall into two categories: Those who have kids, and those who will have kids. What they have all in common: They are relieved that it was your son and not theirs.



                                It's really no problem. I can tell you what a real problem is (happened to a friend of mine when he was 17). He came to school one morning, gathered all his friends, and told them "I'd rather tell you now before you read it in the newspaper, but my brother has just been arrested for murder". So you just go to work, and if anyone makes comments, you ask them if they have kids, and whether they have never, ever done anything embarrassing.







                                share|improve this answer












                                share|improve this answer



                                share|improve this answer










                                answered 2 days ago









                                gnasher729gnasher729

                                85.8k39151272




                                85.8k39151272























                                    3














                                    As long as the jokes are in good taste and don't cross the line, I'd just roll with it. If they do cross the line, I'd approach the person with a witness and ask them if there is anything they need to discuss with me. Afterwards, I would firmly state that I will not tolerate the humiliation of myself, my family, or fellow colleagues at the workplace and that if it occurs again I will formally escalate the situation through the proper channels.



                                    Never be afraid to stand up for yourself or people you care about, even at work. They aren't very good colleagues if all they can do is poke fun at you and not recognize that it is embarrassing and upsets you.






                                    share|improve this answer








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                                    • 1





                                      This is a great answer: there are excellent other answers here, but they all assume the coworkers are basically reasonable, emotionally mature people. Whilst this is a good assumption to begin with, the OP also needs to have all bases covered.

                                      – WetSavannaAnimal aka Rod Vance
                                      yesterday
















                                    3














                                    As long as the jokes are in good taste and don't cross the line, I'd just roll with it. If they do cross the line, I'd approach the person with a witness and ask them if there is anything they need to discuss with me. Afterwards, I would firmly state that I will not tolerate the humiliation of myself, my family, or fellow colleagues at the workplace and that if it occurs again I will formally escalate the situation through the proper channels.



                                    Never be afraid to stand up for yourself or people you care about, even at work. They aren't very good colleagues if all they can do is poke fun at you and not recognize that it is embarrassing and upsets you.






                                    share|improve this answer








                                    New contributor




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                                    • 1





                                      This is a great answer: there are excellent other answers here, but they all assume the coworkers are basically reasonable, emotionally mature people. Whilst this is a good assumption to begin with, the OP also needs to have all bases covered.

                                      – WetSavannaAnimal aka Rod Vance
                                      yesterday














                                    3












                                    3








                                    3







                                    As long as the jokes are in good taste and don't cross the line, I'd just roll with it. If they do cross the line, I'd approach the person with a witness and ask them if there is anything they need to discuss with me. Afterwards, I would firmly state that I will not tolerate the humiliation of myself, my family, or fellow colleagues at the workplace and that if it occurs again I will formally escalate the situation through the proper channels.



                                    Never be afraid to stand up for yourself or people you care about, even at work. They aren't very good colleagues if all they can do is poke fun at you and not recognize that it is embarrassing and upsets you.






                                    share|improve this answer








                                    New contributor




                                    they is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                                    Check out our Code of Conduct.










                                    As long as the jokes are in good taste and don't cross the line, I'd just roll with it. If they do cross the line, I'd approach the person with a witness and ask them if there is anything they need to discuss with me. Afterwards, I would firmly state that I will not tolerate the humiliation of myself, my family, or fellow colleagues at the workplace and that if it occurs again I will formally escalate the situation through the proper channels.



                                    Never be afraid to stand up for yourself or people you care about, even at work. They aren't very good colleagues if all they can do is poke fun at you and not recognize that it is embarrassing and upsets you.







                                    share|improve this answer








                                    New contributor




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                                    answered 2 days ago









                                    theythey

                                    1391




                                    1391




                                    New contributor




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                                    New contributor





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                                    • 1





                                      This is a great answer: there are excellent other answers here, but they all assume the coworkers are basically reasonable, emotionally mature people. Whilst this is a good assumption to begin with, the OP also needs to have all bases covered.

                                      – WetSavannaAnimal aka Rod Vance
                                      yesterday














                                    • 1





                                      This is a great answer: there are excellent other answers here, but they all assume the coworkers are basically reasonable, emotionally mature people. Whilst this is a good assumption to begin with, the OP also needs to have all bases covered.

                                      – WetSavannaAnimal aka Rod Vance
                                      yesterday








                                    1




                                    1





                                    This is a great answer: there are excellent other answers here, but they all assume the coworkers are basically reasonable, emotionally mature people. Whilst this is a good assumption to begin with, the OP also needs to have all bases covered.

                                    – WetSavannaAnimal aka Rod Vance
                                    yesterday





                                    This is a great answer: there are excellent other answers here, but they all assume the coworkers are basically reasonable, emotionally mature people. Whilst this is a good assumption to begin with, the OP also needs to have all bases covered.

                                    – WetSavannaAnimal aka Rod Vance
                                    yesterday











                                    0














                                    I don't have children, but in general if someone tries to bring up a subject that's unpleasant for me I try to reflect that by making it unpleasant to keep using that subject in a conversation.



                                    For example, on the softer side I may just listen and refuse to contribute more than necessary (so it doesn't go from unpleasant to awkward), in effect causing the conversation to die naturally, which typically results in either that or the conversation partner changing subjects to keep it alive.



                                    To make it more unpleasant you might also reflect the negative feelings that the subject evokes by presenting an alternate side to you that they won't want to deal with. For example, you might share whatever you feel comfortable in sharing about it while using a harsh tone about it (in the case it makes you mad). That tone shouldn't (and doesn't need to) be directed at them, unless what makes you mad is their reactions. The point is not so much communicating whatever your words technically say, but rather showing that if they want to keep that subject they'll have to deal with the unpleasantness it evokes in you. Nobody wants a negative conversation partner.



                                    Hmm... I may be overgeneralizing on the above paragraph, so I'll tell you: the example of a side I'm thinking of is a strict side. Sharing how you dealt with the problem and ensured that it never happens again in an assertive "this is what's going to happen" tone, might cause them to try to avoid that side of you (in part by changing the subject). Wanting to be strict might not be what you're feeling though, and it might not be part of your personality, so I'm not sure what would be an appropriate tone in that case. It's important to be natural, so I wouldn't try to pretend feelings.



                                    I generally like to be honest this way, instead of faking jokes and whatnot.



                                    Another option you could go for is being blunt and unafraid to bring up awkwardness. I mean, you could flat out stop the subject dead in its tracks on your own instead of trying to get other people to do it. You don't need to pretend that you're ok talking about it if you're not. You talked about respect. People respect those in control, so take control.






                                    share|improve this answer










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                                      0














                                      I don't have children, but in general if someone tries to bring up a subject that's unpleasant for me I try to reflect that by making it unpleasant to keep using that subject in a conversation.



                                      For example, on the softer side I may just listen and refuse to contribute more than necessary (so it doesn't go from unpleasant to awkward), in effect causing the conversation to die naturally, which typically results in either that or the conversation partner changing subjects to keep it alive.



                                      To make it more unpleasant you might also reflect the negative feelings that the subject evokes by presenting an alternate side to you that they won't want to deal with. For example, you might share whatever you feel comfortable in sharing about it while using a harsh tone about it (in the case it makes you mad). That tone shouldn't (and doesn't need to) be directed at them, unless what makes you mad is their reactions. The point is not so much communicating whatever your words technically say, but rather showing that if they want to keep that subject they'll have to deal with the unpleasantness it evokes in you. Nobody wants a negative conversation partner.



                                      Hmm... I may be overgeneralizing on the above paragraph, so I'll tell you: the example of a side I'm thinking of is a strict side. Sharing how you dealt with the problem and ensured that it never happens again in an assertive "this is what's going to happen" tone, might cause them to try to avoid that side of you (in part by changing the subject). Wanting to be strict might not be what you're feeling though, and it might not be part of your personality, so I'm not sure what would be an appropriate tone in that case. It's important to be natural, so I wouldn't try to pretend feelings.



                                      I generally like to be honest this way, instead of faking jokes and whatnot.



                                      Another option you could go for is being blunt and unafraid to bring up awkwardness. I mean, you could flat out stop the subject dead in its tracks on your own instead of trying to get other people to do it. You don't need to pretend that you're ok talking about it if you're not. You talked about respect. People respect those in control, so take control.






                                      share|improve this answer










                                      New contributor




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                                        0












                                        0








                                        0







                                        I don't have children, but in general if someone tries to bring up a subject that's unpleasant for me I try to reflect that by making it unpleasant to keep using that subject in a conversation.



                                        For example, on the softer side I may just listen and refuse to contribute more than necessary (so it doesn't go from unpleasant to awkward), in effect causing the conversation to die naturally, which typically results in either that or the conversation partner changing subjects to keep it alive.



                                        To make it more unpleasant you might also reflect the negative feelings that the subject evokes by presenting an alternate side to you that they won't want to deal with. For example, you might share whatever you feel comfortable in sharing about it while using a harsh tone about it (in the case it makes you mad). That tone shouldn't (and doesn't need to) be directed at them, unless what makes you mad is their reactions. The point is not so much communicating whatever your words technically say, but rather showing that if they want to keep that subject they'll have to deal with the unpleasantness it evokes in you. Nobody wants a negative conversation partner.



                                        Hmm... I may be overgeneralizing on the above paragraph, so I'll tell you: the example of a side I'm thinking of is a strict side. Sharing how you dealt with the problem and ensured that it never happens again in an assertive "this is what's going to happen" tone, might cause them to try to avoid that side of you (in part by changing the subject). Wanting to be strict might not be what you're feeling though, and it might not be part of your personality, so I'm not sure what would be an appropriate tone in that case. It's important to be natural, so I wouldn't try to pretend feelings.



                                        I generally like to be honest this way, instead of faking jokes and whatnot.



                                        Another option you could go for is being blunt and unafraid to bring up awkwardness. I mean, you could flat out stop the subject dead in its tracks on your own instead of trying to get other people to do it. You don't need to pretend that you're ok talking about it if you're not. You talked about respect. People respect those in control, so take control.






                                        share|improve this answer










                                        New contributor




                                        JoL is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                                        Check out our Code of Conduct.










                                        I don't have children, but in general if someone tries to bring up a subject that's unpleasant for me I try to reflect that by making it unpleasant to keep using that subject in a conversation.



                                        For example, on the softer side I may just listen and refuse to contribute more than necessary (so it doesn't go from unpleasant to awkward), in effect causing the conversation to die naturally, which typically results in either that or the conversation partner changing subjects to keep it alive.



                                        To make it more unpleasant you might also reflect the negative feelings that the subject evokes by presenting an alternate side to you that they won't want to deal with. For example, you might share whatever you feel comfortable in sharing about it while using a harsh tone about it (in the case it makes you mad). That tone shouldn't (and doesn't need to) be directed at them, unless what makes you mad is their reactions. The point is not so much communicating whatever your words technically say, but rather showing that if they want to keep that subject they'll have to deal with the unpleasantness it evokes in you. Nobody wants a negative conversation partner.



                                        Hmm... I may be overgeneralizing on the above paragraph, so I'll tell you: the example of a side I'm thinking of is a strict side. Sharing how you dealt with the problem and ensured that it never happens again in an assertive "this is what's going to happen" tone, might cause them to try to avoid that side of you (in part by changing the subject). Wanting to be strict might not be what you're feeling though, and it might not be part of your personality, so I'm not sure what would be an appropriate tone in that case. It's important to be natural, so I wouldn't try to pretend feelings.



                                        I generally like to be honest this way, instead of faking jokes and whatnot.



                                        Another option you could go for is being blunt and unafraid to bring up awkwardness. I mean, you could flat out stop the subject dead in its tracks on your own instead of trying to get other people to do it. You don't need to pretend that you're ok talking about it if you're not. You talked about respect. People respect those in control, so take control.







                                        share|improve this answer










                                        New contributor




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                                        share|improve this answer



                                        share|improve this answer








                                        edited 2 days ago





















                                        New contributor




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                                        answered 2 days ago









                                        JoLJoL

                                        10113




                                        10113




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                                        New contributor





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                                            0














                                            It might help to analyze why the people in this story are responding the way that they do.



                                            First, your son. Obviously, he wasn't behaving in a way you'd expect a responsible 27-years old to behave. Then again, if he had known he would be embarrassing his mom in front of her colleagues, I'm pretty sure he would have taken a different course of action. So it was an unfortunate coincidence.



                                            Second, your colleagues. You showed them a glimpse of your home life (which I'm pretty sure some of them would hesitate to do) and the first thing they notice is your own son pissing all over it. A perfect example of situational irony. Those who laughed recognized the situation for what it was: an extremely unlikely, highly ironic coincidence, not to be taken seriously. A colleague who would hold this against you wouldn't have laughed.



                                            Finally, your own response. How embarrassed are you of something your 27-year old son did, and why does it embarrass you so much? Obviously, anyone in your position would have been embarrassed at the moment it happened; that's what makes it funny. But their laughter was meant to defuse that. As others have said, acknowledge your embarrassment at that time, but don't assume your colleagues were laughing at you, or are still laughing at you - it was the situation that made them laugh.






                                            share|improve this answer




























                                              0














                                              It might help to analyze why the people in this story are responding the way that they do.



                                              First, your son. Obviously, he wasn't behaving in a way you'd expect a responsible 27-years old to behave. Then again, if he had known he would be embarrassing his mom in front of her colleagues, I'm pretty sure he would have taken a different course of action. So it was an unfortunate coincidence.



                                              Second, your colleagues. You showed them a glimpse of your home life (which I'm pretty sure some of them would hesitate to do) and the first thing they notice is your own son pissing all over it. A perfect example of situational irony. Those who laughed recognized the situation for what it was: an extremely unlikely, highly ironic coincidence, not to be taken seriously. A colleague who would hold this against you wouldn't have laughed.



                                              Finally, your own response. How embarrassed are you of something your 27-year old son did, and why does it embarrass you so much? Obviously, anyone in your position would have been embarrassed at the moment it happened; that's what makes it funny. But their laughter was meant to defuse that. As others have said, acknowledge your embarrassment at that time, but don't assume your colleagues were laughing at you, or are still laughing at you - it was the situation that made them laugh.






                                              share|improve this answer


























                                                0












                                                0








                                                0







                                                It might help to analyze why the people in this story are responding the way that they do.



                                                First, your son. Obviously, he wasn't behaving in a way you'd expect a responsible 27-years old to behave. Then again, if he had known he would be embarrassing his mom in front of her colleagues, I'm pretty sure he would have taken a different course of action. So it was an unfortunate coincidence.



                                                Second, your colleagues. You showed them a glimpse of your home life (which I'm pretty sure some of them would hesitate to do) and the first thing they notice is your own son pissing all over it. A perfect example of situational irony. Those who laughed recognized the situation for what it was: an extremely unlikely, highly ironic coincidence, not to be taken seriously. A colleague who would hold this against you wouldn't have laughed.



                                                Finally, your own response. How embarrassed are you of something your 27-year old son did, and why does it embarrass you so much? Obviously, anyone in your position would have been embarrassed at the moment it happened; that's what makes it funny. But their laughter was meant to defuse that. As others have said, acknowledge your embarrassment at that time, but don't assume your colleagues were laughing at you, or are still laughing at you - it was the situation that made them laugh.






                                                share|improve this answer













                                                It might help to analyze why the people in this story are responding the way that they do.



                                                First, your son. Obviously, he wasn't behaving in a way you'd expect a responsible 27-years old to behave. Then again, if he had known he would be embarrassing his mom in front of her colleagues, I'm pretty sure he would have taken a different course of action. So it was an unfortunate coincidence.



                                                Second, your colleagues. You showed them a glimpse of your home life (which I'm pretty sure some of them would hesitate to do) and the first thing they notice is your own son pissing all over it. A perfect example of situational irony. Those who laughed recognized the situation for what it was: an extremely unlikely, highly ironic coincidence, not to be taken seriously. A colleague who would hold this against you wouldn't have laughed.



                                                Finally, your own response. How embarrassed are you of something your 27-year old son did, and why does it embarrass you so much? Obviously, anyone in your position would have been embarrassed at the moment it happened; that's what makes it funny. But their laughter was meant to defuse that. As others have said, acknowledge your embarrassment at that time, but don't assume your colleagues were laughing at you, or are still laughing at you - it was the situation that made them laugh.







                                                share|improve this answer












                                                share|improve this answer



                                                share|improve this answer










                                                answered 5 hours ago









                                                reinierpostreinierpost

                                                19316




                                                19316























                                                    -3














                                                    While most responses at work will probably not be troublesome, I recommend batting down the more problematic ones directly and politely. "You mind your business. I will certainly be minding mine."

                                                    Sometimes, people need a gentle reminder about boundaries. Own yours -- it's your right, and in the workplace, a responsibility. You have a job to do.

                                                    Any humor for your co-workers will have to wait.





                                                    Edit: I have used this sort of approach myself at times. I am clarifying this answer due to a threat of deletion from one person who has repeated his opinion in comments four or five times, and now wants to delete this answer.



                                                    You don't have to be a jerk in order to say things that another person might not want to hear. I shouldn't have to add that these words should probably not be snarled, snapped or growled. There's nothing "rude" (see comments) about being clear -- to the contrary, it is a courtesy, much appreciated by grown-ups, particularly in the workplace. More on the chat.






                                                    share|improve this answer





















                                                    • 5





                                                      This is probably about the worst way you could handle the situation. Being rude to people is not "owning it".

                                                      – Lightness Races in Orbit
                                                      14 hours ago






                                                    • 1





                                                      @LightnessRacesinOrbit why would saying this be rude? Surely whoever is making a joke at OP's expense is already guilty of being rude themselves; they shouldn't be shocked if their joke backfires with a response like this.

                                                      – CactusCake
                                                      12 hours ago













                                                    • @CactusCake Even if we accept that the joker is being rude (and that's a bit of a reach), that's no excuse to be rude yourself, and doing so certainly isn't going to help anything.

                                                      – Lightness Races in Orbit
                                                      12 hours ago






                                                    • 1





                                                      @LightnessRacesinOrbit I just don't see how "mind your business" is a rude statement. If somebody said that to me I wouldn't think they were being rude, I would assume that whatever I said that prompted this response obviously touched a nerve. Some people are more sensitive than others. While hearing this might make the recipient uncomfortable, it's probably not as uncomfortable as the person who said it is feeling.

                                                      – CactusCake
                                                      12 hours ago








                                                    • 1





                                                      @LightnessRacesinOrbit just because it isn't friendly doesn't make it rude. It's just matter of fact. Anyway, why should anyone have to be friendly towards someone who is making fun of them?

                                                      – CactusCake
                                                      11 hours ago
















                                                    -3














                                                    While most responses at work will probably not be troublesome, I recommend batting down the more problematic ones directly and politely. "You mind your business. I will certainly be minding mine."

                                                    Sometimes, people need a gentle reminder about boundaries. Own yours -- it's your right, and in the workplace, a responsibility. You have a job to do.

                                                    Any humor for your co-workers will have to wait.





                                                    Edit: I have used this sort of approach myself at times. I am clarifying this answer due to a threat of deletion from one person who has repeated his opinion in comments four or five times, and now wants to delete this answer.



                                                    You don't have to be a jerk in order to say things that another person might not want to hear. I shouldn't have to add that these words should probably not be snarled, snapped or growled. There's nothing "rude" (see comments) about being clear -- to the contrary, it is a courtesy, much appreciated by grown-ups, particularly in the workplace. More on the chat.






                                                    share|improve this answer





















                                                    • 5





                                                      This is probably about the worst way you could handle the situation. Being rude to people is not "owning it".

                                                      – Lightness Races in Orbit
                                                      14 hours ago






                                                    • 1





                                                      @LightnessRacesinOrbit why would saying this be rude? Surely whoever is making a joke at OP's expense is already guilty of being rude themselves; they shouldn't be shocked if their joke backfires with a response like this.

                                                      – CactusCake
                                                      12 hours ago













                                                    • @CactusCake Even if we accept that the joker is being rude (and that's a bit of a reach), that's no excuse to be rude yourself, and doing so certainly isn't going to help anything.

                                                      – Lightness Races in Orbit
                                                      12 hours ago






                                                    • 1





                                                      @LightnessRacesinOrbit I just don't see how "mind your business" is a rude statement. If somebody said that to me I wouldn't think they were being rude, I would assume that whatever I said that prompted this response obviously touched a nerve. Some people are more sensitive than others. While hearing this might make the recipient uncomfortable, it's probably not as uncomfortable as the person who said it is feeling.

                                                      – CactusCake
                                                      12 hours ago








                                                    • 1





                                                      @LightnessRacesinOrbit just because it isn't friendly doesn't make it rude. It's just matter of fact. Anyway, why should anyone have to be friendly towards someone who is making fun of them?

                                                      – CactusCake
                                                      11 hours ago














                                                    -3












                                                    -3








                                                    -3







                                                    While most responses at work will probably not be troublesome, I recommend batting down the more problematic ones directly and politely. "You mind your business. I will certainly be minding mine."

                                                    Sometimes, people need a gentle reminder about boundaries. Own yours -- it's your right, and in the workplace, a responsibility. You have a job to do.

                                                    Any humor for your co-workers will have to wait.





                                                    Edit: I have used this sort of approach myself at times. I am clarifying this answer due to a threat of deletion from one person who has repeated his opinion in comments four or five times, and now wants to delete this answer.



                                                    You don't have to be a jerk in order to say things that another person might not want to hear. I shouldn't have to add that these words should probably not be snarled, snapped or growled. There's nothing "rude" (see comments) about being clear -- to the contrary, it is a courtesy, much appreciated by grown-ups, particularly in the workplace. More on the chat.






                                                    share|improve this answer















                                                    While most responses at work will probably not be troublesome, I recommend batting down the more problematic ones directly and politely. "You mind your business. I will certainly be minding mine."

                                                    Sometimes, people need a gentle reminder about boundaries. Own yours -- it's your right, and in the workplace, a responsibility. You have a job to do.

                                                    Any humor for your co-workers will have to wait.





                                                    Edit: I have used this sort of approach myself at times. I am clarifying this answer due to a threat of deletion from one person who has repeated his opinion in comments four or five times, and now wants to delete this answer.



                                                    You don't have to be a jerk in order to say things that another person might not want to hear. I shouldn't have to add that these words should probably not be snarled, snapped or growled. There's nothing "rude" (see comments) about being clear -- to the contrary, it is a courtesy, much appreciated by grown-ups, particularly in the workplace. More on the chat.







                                                    share|improve this answer














                                                    share|improve this answer



                                                    share|improve this answer








                                                    edited 1 hour ago

























                                                    answered yesterday









                                                    Haakon DahlHaakon Dahl

                                                    1314




                                                    1314








                                                    • 5





                                                      This is probably about the worst way you could handle the situation. Being rude to people is not "owning it".

                                                      – Lightness Races in Orbit
                                                      14 hours ago






                                                    • 1





                                                      @LightnessRacesinOrbit why would saying this be rude? Surely whoever is making a joke at OP's expense is already guilty of being rude themselves; they shouldn't be shocked if their joke backfires with a response like this.

                                                      – CactusCake
                                                      12 hours ago













                                                    • @CactusCake Even if we accept that the joker is being rude (and that's a bit of a reach), that's no excuse to be rude yourself, and doing so certainly isn't going to help anything.

                                                      – Lightness Races in Orbit
                                                      12 hours ago






                                                    • 1





                                                      @LightnessRacesinOrbit I just don't see how "mind your business" is a rude statement. If somebody said that to me I wouldn't think they were being rude, I would assume that whatever I said that prompted this response obviously touched a nerve. Some people are more sensitive than others. While hearing this might make the recipient uncomfortable, it's probably not as uncomfortable as the person who said it is feeling.

                                                      – CactusCake
                                                      12 hours ago








                                                    • 1





                                                      @LightnessRacesinOrbit just because it isn't friendly doesn't make it rude. It's just matter of fact. Anyway, why should anyone have to be friendly towards someone who is making fun of them?

                                                      – CactusCake
                                                      11 hours ago














                                                    • 5





                                                      This is probably about the worst way you could handle the situation. Being rude to people is not "owning it".

                                                      – Lightness Races in Orbit
                                                      14 hours ago






                                                    • 1





                                                      @LightnessRacesinOrbit why would saying this be rude? Surely whoever is making a joke at OP's expense is already guilty of being rude themselves; they shouldn't be shocked if their joke backfires with a response like this.

                                                      – CactusCake
                                                      12 hours ago













                                                    • @CactusCake Even if we accept that the joker is being rude (and that's a bit of a reach), that's no excuse to be rude yourself, and doing so certainly isn't going to help anything.

                                                      – Lightness Races in Orbit
                                                      12 hours ago






                                                    • 1





                                                      @LightnessRacesinOrbit I just don't see how "mind your business" is a rude statement. If somebody said that to me I wouldn't think they were being rude, I would assume that whatever I said that prompted this response obviously touched a nerve. Some people are more sensitive than others. While hearing this might make the recipient uncomfortable, it's probably not as uncomfortable as the person who said it is feeling.

                                                      – CactusCake
                                                      12 hours ago








                                                    • 1





                                                      @LightnessRacesinOrbit just because it isn't friendly doesn't make it rude. It's just matter of fact. Anyway, why should anyone have to be friendly towards someone who is making fun of them?

                                                      – CactusCake
                                                      11 hours ago








                                                    5




                                                    5





                                                    This is probably about the worst way you could handle the situation. Being rude to people is not "owning it".

                                                    – Lightness Races in Orbit
                                                    14 hours ago





                                                    This is probably about the worst way you could handle the situation. Being rude to people is not "owning it".

                                                    – Lightness Races in Orbit
                                                    14 hours ago




                                                    1




                                                    1





                                                    @LightnessRacesinOrbit why would saying this be rude? Surely whoever is making a joke at OP's expense is already guilty of being rude themselves; they shouldn't be shocked if their joke backfires with a response like this.

                                                    – CactusCake
                                                    12 hours ago







                                                    @LightnessRacesinOrbit why would saying this be rude? Surely whoever is making a joke at OP's expense is already guilty of being rude themselves; they shouldn't be shocked if their joke backfires with a response like this.

                                                    – CactusCake
                                                    12 hours ago















                                                    @CactusCake Even if we accept that the joker is being rude (and that's a bit of a reach), that's no excuse to be rude yourself, and doing so certainly isn't going to help anything.

                                                    – Lightness Races in Orbit
                                                    12 hours ago





                                                    @CactusCake Even if we accept that the joker is being rude (and that's a bit of a reach), that's no excuse to be rude yourself, and doing so certainly isn't going to help anything.

                                                    – Lightness Races in Orbit
                                                    12 hours ago




                                                    1




                                                    1





                                                    @LightnessRacesinOrbit I just don't see how "mind your business" is a rude statement. If somebody said that to me I wouldn't think they were being rude, I would assume that whatever I said that prompted this response obviously touched a nerve. Some people are more sensitive than others. While hearing this might make the recipient uncomfortable, it's probably not as uncomfortable as the person who said it is feeling.

                                                    – CactusCake
                                                    12 hours ago







                                                    @LightnessRacesinOrbit I just don't see how "mind your business" is a rude statement. If somebody said that to me I wouldn't think they were being rude, I would assume that whatever I said that prompted this response obviously touched a nerve. Some people are more sensitive than others. While hearing this might make the recipient uncomfortable, it's probably not as uncomfortable as the person who said it is feeling.

                                                    – CactusCake
                                                    12 hours ago






                                                    1




                                                    1





                                                    @LightnessRacesinOrbit just because it isn't friendly doesn't make it rude. It's just matter of fact. Anyway, why should anyone have to be friendly towards someone who is making fun of them?

                                                    – CactusCake
                                                    11 hours ago





                                                    @LightnessRacesinOrbit just because it isn't friendly doesn't make it rude. It's just matter of fact. Anyway, why should anyone have to be friendly towards someone who is making fun of them?

                                                    – CactusCake
                                                    11 hours ago



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